


Tragedy

by Yvonne327



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:52:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvonne327/pseuds/Yvonne327
Summary: Rhys and Feyre go through a terrible tragedy and they have to find a way to live with it. Miscarriage.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some kudos so I know whether to keep continue!

Feyre was standing on the balcony of the town house, watching Cassian and Az sparring in the yard. She had not been able to do much lately, not since everything she does makes her feel nauseous all the time. She rubbed her belly to sooth the child inside, which for a five month old fetus, she doesn’t seem to be growing as fast as she should. When they found out they were having a child, it had been such a surreal moment for both her and Rhys. The moment was private, and it was something both of them will remember forever. Being declared parents for the first time in their life. The gender however, was a surprise. The bone carver had claimed that their first born would be a boy. She had seen it with her own eyes too. That beautiful boy with a blend of both her and Rhys. She wondered what their daughter would look like.

As blessed as she was, Feyre had yet to experience the pregnancy glow people kept telling her about. Although Rhys kept assuring her she’s never looked more beautiful.

Feyre was half way done pouring her tea when it hit her. Pain. Blinding pain hit her lower abdomen. She clutched on her belly so hard, as if she was holding on to her life. And then she saw it, one stream, two streams of blood sliding down her legs. 

“Cassian…Az…” her words barely audible. She was fighting to stay awake, every wave of pain that hit her was a blow to her consciousness. She needed to get someone’s attention. With all her remaining strength she threw the ceramic cup across the floor, breaking it into pieces. Cassian barged through the door like lightning, Azriel follow suit. They’re eyes immediately went to the pool of blood on the ground, and the paleness of her face.

“Shit…shit.” Cassian approached her gently folding her into an embrace. Azriel instantly went to look for a healer. “Shhh… Feyre, it’s gonna be okay…shhhh…” Cassian comforted her. Feyre couldn’t speak. They both knew what was happening, or what had already happened. Not fair. It was not fair. This isn’t happening to her.

___________________________________________________________________________

 

“How is she?” Mor walked silently to the doorway of the nursery they had prepare for the arrival of the first born. Feyre started packing up everything into boxes the day after everything went wrong. She claimed that there was no point in keeping these things since the healer said it will be years, decades even, before her body could even start the process of being impregnated. Fae fertility was always a tricky thing. Mor had heard rumors about Faes that had miscarriage often never get to have children again. She prayed this wasn’t the case.

“She’s…getting there.” Elain answered solemnly. Mor walked into the nursery and sat down on the floor where Feyre was staring at the pile of baby clothes. “Rhys bought these the day we found out it was a girl.” Feyre muttered. “I told him it was more than she could ever wear and that she would grow out of it eventually.” Silver linings formed in her eyes. Mor carefully observed the baby clothes. “There will be another chance, Feyre. You will have another chance.”

Feyre looked up at Mor. Lips trembling. “I told him not to buy them. I told him she wouldn’t be able to wear them all. I….” Mor knew what she was thinking. What Feyre was going to say. She just never thought she won’t be able to wear even one of these. Feyre always knew there was something wrong when they found out it was a girl. The bone-carver had CLAIMED her first born would be a boy. First born. Not first child. Feyre quietly folded the clothes. One by one she packed them neatly into the boxes. Mor just sat there, keeping her company. Because the last thing she wants is for Feyre to feel as if she was alone in this.


	2. Aftermath

Rhys was meeting the warlords in the meeting camp in Illyria. This was the last place he wanted to be in right now but it was compulsory. They've been able to effectively shut down the dissension amongst the Illyrian warriors but not without unity between the warlords. Rhys knew better than to pissed them off during this sensitive time. Cassian was ordered to sit out at this meeting. Only because Rhys didn't deign this meeting vital. No, this was just way for the warlords to complain about their piss poor life and demand more fund, which Rhys was more than able to offer but he'd rather have them beg for it. To show them who still hold their leash. The meeting lasted for hours and by the end of it Rhys was exhausted. He dismissed the warlords went to meet up with Az and Cassian by the lake near the meeting location.

"Everything went well I take it." Cassian said when Rhys arrived with a groan. "Most just demanded for more funds. Dissension's starting to dissolve, they have nothing to barter with me. But... considering their strong allegiance to me during the last war, I agreed." Cassian rolled his eyes. "Most of those would just go into their own pockets instead of improving the war camps." Cassian had a point. With the funds they were already given in the past few centuries, the war camps should have been thriving, as well as Velaris even. However, the warlords deemed it was more important to reward certain warriors, usually the well born, pure bleed Illyrians and shower them with alcohol and service of women. "If it will shut them up and as long as they keep producing well trained, loyal warriors, I don't give a shit." Armies are costly but they are vital. Rhys wasn't going to bend in this situation. Azriel who was quiet during this whole conversation came up and gripped Rhysand's shoulder. "And how are you, brother?"

"I'm used to their cocky attitude." He knew Az was referring to something else. Cassian repeated the question. "No, how are YOU?" Rhys was silent for a while and he debated shrugging it off but he knew better than to lie to either of them. "I'm as good as anyone in my situation can be. Anyway, it's not me you should be worried about." Cassian and Azriel shared a look, then Cassian said "Feyre is our high lady, and your mate. Of course we are worried about her, but that doesn't mean we can't worry about you too." Rhys eyes darkened. "She hasn't been eating or sleeping properly. If the...miscarriage hasn't killed me already, her behavior now will." 

"Talk to her. She's your mate." Az said. "I have tried. She does not wish to speak about it." Cassian contemplate what to say next. "Why don't you let Nesta give it a try." Rhys snorted. "Nesta would be the last person I'd let near Feyre. She doesn't need that negative attitude from her." Cassian explained further "Nesta is the last person she'll expect to comfort her, which is why it might actually throw her off." Rhys was considering it, Cassian does have a good point. Even if he let Nesta talk to Feyre, he doubt that the sister could offer any solace. Not when she was always so cold and distant with Feyre. "I'll think about it." Rhys said and winnowed back to the town house.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey." Rhys said when he saw Feyre sitting in the common room, legs tugged into a blanket and staring at the fireplace. Mor and Amren was no where to be seen. Feyre likely sent them away. She looked up, her eyes were red, as if she'd only stopped crying minutes before. "Hi" she said weakly. His heart broke at that sight of her. He walked towards her and sat down on the floor in front of her. "How are you doing, darling?" Feyre's eyes turned distant again. She didn't answer. Rhys knew that it was a stupid question but nowadays everything he said seemed to be stupid. "The meeting went well today..." Rhys started telling her everything that went on with the meeting and Feyre seemed to be listening quite tentatively. "I'm glad that problem is solved." She touched is cheek with one hand and sooth it with her thumb."You seem so tired these day Rhys." Rhysand smiled softly and leaned into her touch. "I'll mange." They were both quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry I've been shutting you out...I just, I don't know how to deal with this. And part of me thinks that I'm the one who did this to us." Rhys grabbed her other hand and held it tightly. "How can you even blame yourself Feyre. It was no one's fault." Feyre losened a breathe and said "They were innocent and I killed them. Maybe this was faith, a life for a life." Rhys hadn't thought about what happened under the mountain nearly a decade ago. But he should have known Feyre would always be reminded of the sin she committed then. The innocent lives she took to save them all. "If that were the case then I would have been damned my whole life for the innocent people I killed during those 50 years." Rhysand said mildly. "I told you once, we cannot let it break us. We have to learn to live with it, however hard it may be."

Feyre didn't know what to say. "I just...we've waited so long. And I...I think I was already in love with her, even before she was born." Rhys understood. He truly did. From the moment he found out he couldn't stop picturing her. Couldn't stop loving that life he and Feyre's love created. And all of a sudden, it was taken away from them. "There will not be a day that goes by where I will not regret not being able to meet our first child. Or how much I will always love her. But I believe she is in a better place now. You and I both faced death before Feyre. We know there's is a choice in death. And maybe it was not meant for her to be in our world. Maybe the cauldron had other plans for her. But for now, we are allowed to miss her and mourn for her. And I do not blame you, darling, for needing this time to sort things out." Feyre was sobbing. Her heart was still broken but with Rhys, her heart always manage to heal, time after time, through every hardship. And maybe it would take a century for the pain in her heart to subdue, but she knew her mate will always be there for her. So she let herself cry, in the arms of her mate, and told him everything she'd been holding in since the miscarriage. 

Time will make things easier. She believed that.And maybe it was the way Rhys had said it, or maybe she just wanted to believe in it so badly, but she honestly believed their daughter was in a better place now.


	3. Try again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while for Feyre and Rhysand. Mature content.

It has been almost 3 months since Feyre's miscarriage. Rhys was more than grateful and had nearly thank the cauldron when Feyre decided to get up and about after 3 weeks. She also started to paint again, on top of her responsibilities, which Rhysand was happy to see. He tries to do most of the paperwork and only leave the most important ones which Feyre, as High Lady, absolutely needed to know for her. She noticed the lessened burden and had lectured Rhys for doing both their jobs for them. "I've been doing it for many years Feyre darling, I can manage." Rhys countered. "Well, you have a high lady now, so I suggest you start sharing some of your responsibilities." Feyre said, firmly. "Hmmm...so fiesty today." Rhys teased but continued, "I just want you to rest for a while, for your mind as well as your body." "I'm well-rested. Truly I am." Rhys considered it for a while, "Fine. You can replace me with the meetings of the governors in Cesere this afternoon. I'd like to take a nap." Feyre was surprised at his words. "Me? Alone?" Rhysand's smirked, "I thought the High Lady can handle anything." A challenge. He was challenging her. "Fine. Give me the files, I'll stat reading after breakfast." 

Rhys smiled at the memory. He missed his cruel, wicked mate. She had been a ghost, and that was the first conversation where he could see the light in her eyes for the first time since the...Right now, he was glad she had not come to the Hewn City with him. He and Mor had a meeting with the emissary from Rask. Mor had set up a diplomatic relationship with the overseas territory, Vallahan and Montesere had yet to reply. As much as Rhysand remember their betrayal on Prythian during the Hybern war, he understood that it might be the lack of diplomatic relationship that swayed them towards Hybern. The meeting was utterly pointless. Just a show and tell about each other territory. Rhysand has more important things he needed to do, or wanted to do.

He has yet to bed Feyre after the incident. It didn't felt right for both of them, to move on so quickly. But the lust hit him about a month ago. Everytime he'd see his mate naked he could hardly keep his hands to himself. But Feyre hadn't say anything, so he wasn't going to push it, even if his instincts were driving him crazy. Mor noticed his impatient during the meeting and ask, "What's with you?" Rhys turned his attention towards her, "I just have better things to do than this pointless meeting." Mor snapped, "Need I remind you, you were the one who came up with this idea." Rhys replied coolly," I am not judging your accomplishment Mor, I'm just...off today." Mor snickered, "Let me guess, things going slow in the bedroom these days cousin?" Rhys shot his eyes towards Mor, in surprise. "Girls tell each other everything dear cousin." Rhys rolled his eyes, "Well. I'm glad our personal life has turned into your daily gossip." Mor countered, "It wasn't gossip, we were catching up after 2 months of not seeing each other."

"Did she say anything particular to you?" Rhys asked warily. Mor knew he was hinting about the possibilities of her wanting a child again, so soon. "I don't have the answers you want Rhys. You should talk to her about that." Rhys sighed, "Some subjects remains too sensitive, even for mates." Mor leaned in and braced her hands on the table, "There's always an excuse to avoid confrontation. Take my advise for once, you wise old prick. Just... ask her about it." Maybe he will, tonight. Right now he just wants to see his mate's beautiful face and get this meeting over with. 

Rhys winnowed back to the estate the moment the emissary left. He tracked down Feyre in their office, buried in a pile of paperwork. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. "How was it?" Rhys went over and kissed her brow, "It was fine." Rhys said tightly. They were quiet for a moment and then Rhys said, "Can we talk?" Feyre looked up from the papers and faced him fully, "Of course, about what?" 500 years of immortality and Rhysand never really had trouble voicing his thoughts but now, he couldn't find the right words. "Do you...I mean..." he started but stopped himself. "Do I want to try again?" Feyre continued the question. Rhys nodded. "Not now of course, not when you are still healing, I will not risk it." there was a primal instinct of protection in his voice as he said it. Feyre thought about what she was going to say next. "I don't know when I'll be ready. I want a child Rhys, so bad. But, it feels like we're moving on. Like she meant nothing but a trial for us." Rhys understood her. He really did. "We both know that's not true, that's enough. We don't need to care what others think." Feyre replied, "I guess you're right. Can we wait a little longer before we try again? I don't..I don't want my body to fail again." Rhysand cupped her face and looked into her eyes, "Never say that. You did not fail anyone." Feyre only shrugged. There was no point in blaming herself, not when Rhys will eventually convince her otherwise.

"When will the others arrive for dinner?" Feyre asked. "In an hour. IF they're punctual." Rhys replied. "So are you going to fuck me or do I only get to stew in your arousal?" Feyre challenged. "Have I ever told you, you have the dirtiest mouth?" Rhysand said casually. Feyre only rolled her eyes. "During our lovely visit to the summer court, when you asked me if you fucked Tarquin for the book, what would I do. As pissed as I was to hear you say that about another male, I was mostly aroused by the fact that you're speaking about sex so freely with me." Rhys nipped at her earlobe, "And all I wanted to do take you to bed right then, and serve you like my queen." Feyre moaned when Rhys brazenly cupped her breast with one hand. "Why don't you do it now?" Feyre asked breathlessly. "Let's get through dinner my love, and I will fuck you until we're both hoarse." Rhys wanted her right now, but he knew the more anticipated they were the better the outcome will be. So he winnowed upstairs and took a cold, cold bath. To cool him off until after dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some kudos so I know whether to keep continue!


End file.
